'Twas The Night Before Christmas: Version 2.0

I’m so excited! I’ve been plugging away on my twelve days of Christmas stories when this one popped out of my head. I just had to share it. I couldn’t sit on it until the 14th. I’m much the same way with presents, which is why it’s hard for me to shop early. My husband usually gets all his presents before Christmas because I can’t wait and then I have to go back out and shop again so he has something to open Christmas morning. So without further ado, my remake of a Christmas classic just in time for Throwback Thursday, ‘Twas The Day after Christmas. 

Twas the day after Christmas and in my house.
I was going out shopping, I promised only to browse.
The stockings were emptied of gift cards galore.
I started that morning at Target, Old Navy and the Disney store.
The kids all complained their toys were at home.
But I had gifts cards and coupons, my cash was already blown.
Through the outlet mall, they straggled and whined.
While I was in search of more fabulous finds.
At the Coach store, where I was indeed not the first.
Screw it I said, to Starbucks for a Latte to quench my thirst.
We arrived at the van, being gone three hours too long.
The husband was sour and told us to hurry up, get along.
A gift card for dinner at Buffalo Wild Wings we must use.
Before we forget we have it and a year later cry the blues.
We all ate like champs, our good humor restored.
The kids were still grumps because they were bored.
We set off for home and sat stuck on I95.
With the thousands of others making the drive.
To outlets and stores, for steals and returns.
Of that horrible sweater from your MIL that you’d rather just burn.
The Husband as usual complained, bitched and moaned.
As we inched forward in traffic with the kids he wanted to disown.
The kids yelled stop touching me and stop breathing so loud.
Next year, to their grandparents for the day we avowed.
It took more than two hours for a thirty mile trip.
The twins were asleep, their bodies gone limp.
The older ones jumped up and ran inside.
Leaving the parents alone to decide.
The best way to get sleeping twins and all my loot.
Into the house in one trip, to boot.
It was cold, it was freezing we each grabbed a kid.
A few bags on each arm, I thought, don’t help, God forbid.
Inside the house, I dropped bags and tucked kids into bed.
Down for the night was my hope, it was that time of day I most dread.
The boys they sprang up as soon as their heads hit the pillow.
So to the playroom they went with a warning, be mellow.
But they bothered and angered the most patient of souls.
Til time outs were given and everyone was told.
To behave themselves or bedtime would come early.
WTH send them up, it’s almost eight thirty.
With a wink of his eye the husband agreed.
The kids went to bed early for all their misdeeds.
The house it was quiet and peaceful at last.
The husband relaxed watching episodes of Walking Dead past.
I unpacked all my bags while he stayed out of sight.
Happy shopping to all and to all a good night.

7 Comments Add yours

  1. DDelorge says:

    Stay out of Ann Taylor Loft!! LOL


  2. I did enough damage in Loft on Black Friday. 50% off everything was too much to turn down.


  3. You are brave–I can't shop in the stores for at least a month. Loved the poem!


  4. Thank you! I only go out if it's something I really want. Usually, I can't stand crowds and tend to do as much shopping as possible online.


  5. Bravo!

    How you managed to wrangle that day (and night) into prose after LIVING THROUGH IT is amazeballs. Simply amazeballs.

    …and a darned good cautionary tale to those of us who aren’t yet done with our Christmas shopping. *sigh*


    1. medelorge says:

      I guess I’m just used to most days being like that. It happens when you have five children. If you still have shopping to do you should read My Christmas Eve Shoppers Guide.


  6. Nope. No way I’m going out the day before or after Christmas. I don’t need anything that badly.
    Merry Christmas!


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