I should start off by saying, I love my kids. I love how they make me laugh. Their silliness, the way they make you see the world differently. I love watching them grow up and mature. What I do not love are their moods, the constant bickering, the screaming and the of course the crying. On days when the aforementioned get a little bit too rough, I have devised a way to help take the edge off a bit. It’s called the Mixology of Parenting. One drink, that’s all you’ll need, guaranteed to take the edge off whatever parenting dilemma you’re experiencing.
Got a Crybaby, that’s no problem. Go into your kitchen and mix yourself up a lemon drop martini. While you’re cutting up the lemons, give the crier one to suck on. You know they’re going to ask for it anyway. The tartness of the lemon will either make them stop or cry more. Either way once you take a few sips that crier has been knocked down to a dull roar anyway.
A shot of Irish whiskey will cure a temper tantrum. They can cry, bitch, moan, yell, scream and throw themselves on the floor. Once you’ve had a shot, you’re really not going to care. If you have a particularly stubborn child I suggest you take two. You might be in for the long haul.
Bickering. This one requires a special brew. My favorite way to dull bickering down to a point where you just won’t care anymore is this. Get yourself some Cran-Cherry juice and Tequila (preferably silver). Mix it up so you don’t taste the tequila and down it. Soon you’ll start saying you figure it out and I’m going to go watch Days of Our Lives while you do, cause Sami’s in jail again and who took your crayon really doesn’t matter to me right now.
The moody child. You know which one, I’m talking about. The one who has no reason to be in a bad mood. They aren’t sick. They aren’t hurt but for some unknown reason they have gotten up on the wrong side of the bed. Everything that everyone does annoys them. They don’t want anything and are just difficult. You’ve dealt with this child all day long and by the end of the night you are wore out. You know what the cure for this is, a nice glass of Merlot.
I have a drink named for each one of my children. The Colin is a shot of Irish whiskey. Quinn’s is a hot toddy. You probably didn’t think people still drank hot toddies, I do. The Bryleigh is a glass of Merlot and Conner’s is a few sips of whatever the Hubby is having. Haileigh’s drink is a combination of whatever has a proof in the house with a couple extra shots and some Red Bull so it hits you quicker.
I hope you my readers, enjoyed this little post and take it for the jest it’s meant in. We’re not alcoholics and we’re not drunk around our kids so need to call Child Protective Services. Some days we wish they had Parent Protective Services. We would have called them on our kids. Until that day happens, we’ll settle for a glass of wine.