I wasn’t planning on posting today. It’s Friday, and I usually do my weekend posts on Thursday so I can spend three uninterrupted days with the hubby and kids. I was checking out my email, as I do every morning before I get the kids up and I came upon a post on Mamapedia, the title of the blog, The Meaninglesness of Motherhood. In it, the writer conveys how motherhood can be tedious and she goes on to illustrate this fact and then ends with how it can also be rewarding.
As most people do when they see comments, I read them. I like to know what others think about what they just read and what I read was appalling to me. Yes, I know it’s a free country before we even go down that road. The comments I read had nothing to with what it was actually about and it had broken down to a debate on stay at home mothers versus working moms.
This is also another subject I swore up and down and sideways I would never write about as a blogger because I feel that to write about it invites a whole host of things that I don’t want to deal with. Life is about doing things you don’t want to do and sometimes, someone has to stand up and say, ENOUGH. That someone might as well be me.
I used to be a working mom. I had a sitter that came to my house and took care of my kids because it was more affordable than planning after and before care for two kids and all day care for three. I worked because I enjoyed working but there came a point in my career where I would have needed to invest more time in it then I was willing to do. It would have meant working odd hours and basically never being home. I was at a crossroads and with the help of my husband, we decided it was best for me to stay home. Staying at home is just as much of a career choice as punching a clock everyday. The only difference is that instead of having a paycheck directly deposited from ADP every two weeks, I’m now paid in hugs and kisses and thank yous.
Speaking as a SAHM, I feel like we are underappreciated and made to feel like we are lazy because we stay home all day. We are not lazy, I do more running at home then I ever did at a job. It’s also not to say that working moms have it easy because they aren’t at home. What I hate about stay at home moms is that they never consider that some working moms would love to stay home but they can’t. Working moms don’t consider that some SAHM would rather be working but they feel that decision is selfish. I see the constant argument of “well you had kids you need to raise them”, working mothers are raising their kids. They teach their kids the same lessons in the three hours they are home at night that we have all day to teach.
Everyone out there wants the best for their kids from the moment we conceive them. We all measure what’s best differently, we all rear our children differently. I would love to be able to take my daughters to the Justice store, buy them anything they wanted and bask in the glory of being “the cool mom”. Instead, I’m home with them. The only thing I miss about being a working mom was the paycheck.
What all mothers out there need to remember and I don’t think they do sometimes, is that everyone’s circumstances are different. Working is not better than staying at home and staying at home is not better than working. We’re all just parents, trying to raise good people the best way we know how. We’re tired, we’re underappreciated and some of us are happier than others. Instead of causing this great divide between us all over it we need to work together and support each other because it really does take a village. Even if it’s just a virtual one.